All Things Considered… Wait, Wait! Don’t Tell Me.

It feels weird to be back online to write this. I have spent the last 10-ish months keeping my life offline, intentionally, as I started 2015 feeling overexposed, and that everyone except “Me” had a piece of me. I felt like I had almost zero control over my life and I was determined to take this year and re-introduce myself to who I am as a person.

I am happy to say I have found this endeavour *both* fulfilling and successful. It has been difficult at times getting comfortable in my own skin, something that has both figuratively and literally changed so much in the last year. I have found that I have opinions on things, likes and dislikes and that there is a whole big world out there that I knew and know, almost nothing about.

As the end of the year comes charging at me like a freight train, I’m honestly a little sad to see 2015 go. That may sound odd as I assume most people would think that this would have been one of, if not the, worst year of my life. But…it wasn’t. At all. 2015 will probably go down as the most influential year of my life. I was married, I got divorced. I went from having every second of my life being “on” and “public property” to being private and by my own decisions. I paid all of my bills, rent was never later, I never bounced a single check, made new friends and ran 7.5 miles in under an hour. I had, and was part of, achievements; both solely my own and those done in a group. Here, in short, is a small recap of the highlights of 2015:

I have learned that you can love and be loved in many different ways, and that there are many different variations of Love. That is ok. At the end of the day it is all about finding someone who’s Love for You matches the Love that You need and vice versa. There is no shame in acknowledging a difference in that perception, and the best thing for everyone is the allowance to be complete in a way you cannot provide nor they can recieve.

I was a featured speaker at Lahey Clinic about medical weightloss a total of 7 times. I am there every six or so weeks, speaking to groups ranging from 20-35 people on the last Behavioral Skills class giving a real life account of what the process is.

I crushed work this year. It has tired me in ways that I didn’t know was even physically, mentally or emotionally possible. I have had more meltdowns behind closed doors that I can count on both hands most likely. But at the end of the day, I have a wonderful staff that I would ‘take it to the mats for’ any day of the week. I coordinated a massive expansion/relocation from one building to another for three departments, and I didn’t miss a single detail. We also bought another company and I am working with their staff in Maine to build on effeciencies, savings and expansion. It’s stressful but awesome and I love it.

I can drive in and out of Boston. And I have discovered an entire whole other area of the city that I actually enjoy and it makes me want to go there and hang for a while.

I officially only shop at secondhand stores. Preferably the Goodwill in Seabrook, NH. For $10, you get 10% off every purchase and in a place where nothing really costs more than $15, I make out like a bandit. Whole wardrobes for $60 of less (an extra 10% off on Wednesdays… and no one will ever likely be wearing the same thing as you!).

Coffee and cafe’s… I ❤ them. A good quality Americano and a book is all I need. And don’t hate on Starbucks; they may be pricey but Dunks isn’t cheap anymore and you can actually get decent service and a good cup of coffee at Starbucks.

I haven’t eaten at a chain restaurant in a year. Yup, that’s right. Not a single visit to a 99, Outback, Applebee’s, Chili’s, On The Border, Margheritas, or whatever. I have never once missed the over-priced, shitty quality food. Instead, it’s independent businesses only. My favorite is The Ginger Exchange located near Symphony Hall in the city… one word: Bibimbap. And their sushi is so great. The atmosphere is enjoyable. It’s clean, colorful but not over the top. Next is Mr. India (great Indian food 10 min down the street), Pho Paris and rounding out the top four is Lexie’s. The food at these places will really change your life… so, so delicious.

I have completely embraced cooking and baking. Some highlights include that I make the best roasted duck breast this side of the Mississippi, killer lamb, homemade pizza, quiona stuffed peppers, macaroons (the fancy french pastry- not the coconut mounds), cookies, cupcakes, stellar chocolate cream pie, etc. All of this and I am still maintaining an extremely healthy weight and use a belt on my size 4 jeans. Cooking and baking has become such a wonderful outlet of stress for me… I bring all the desserts in to work and give away (never was a high fan of sweets anyway) and the cooking lasts as meals for days.

I turned 30. It was classy, and fun, and beautiful, and perfect and filled with the BEST FOOD I HAVE EVER EATEN IN MY LIFE.

I have actually had fun! I have had vacations in Portland, camping in Bar Harbor/Acadia, become a member of the MFA (Museum of Fine Arts), been to two other museums, been inside the only Frank Lloyd Wright house in the remotely local area that’s open to the public, seen three quartet performances, been to an amazing piano concert (and I mean *mind blowing*), went to the Boston Opera House and saw The Nutcracker, perused art galleries, went to Tanglewood to a Piano Guys concert, and so much more.

The best part? I did all of this with one truly amazing man by my side.

Because, well… I am in love.

The only way I can describe him is as “Salt”; a turn of phrase I oft remind him of. For those unaware, Salt (or NaCl2), is something you need to live, to survive. In cooking, it is the most prized of all additions and spices [Fun fact: in one episode of Chopped on Food Network, a Champion spent $32k of his $50k on Salt because it’s just that important] Everything is better with Salt. It’s enhances all of the flavors, or in life: experiences, that you create and enjoy. It’s molecular structure is actually a solid square. On the outside, something that could be percieved as…mundane? Flat? Average? I can tell you, you’d be wholly incorrect in that assessment… that faultless square, those sharp edges with perfect levelism, is soundly sturdy. It is supportive. It is exactly what I have always wanted, and never really aknowledged that I needed.

But I do, and I am so thankful to have it in my life.

He is a good man. Godly, Christian. We go to church together. He is smart, witty, dry, and challenging. He drives me crazy. He holds my hand all the time. When we walk together, without fail, he reaches his left hand out behind him, searching for mine. It is the best, most perfect silent reminder that I am loved and that I am wanted.

He respects me. Pushes me. He understands me. The understanding is accomplished because he has taken the time to get to know me. Knowing me has happened because he has taken the time to understand me. I have learned that Knowing and Understanding are two qualities that are not always synonomous with each other, but should be.

He let’s me fall apart in his arms and he puts the pieces back together. He encourages me to find things that inspire or empower me and doesn’t hesitate to take the time to explain something to me that I don’t understand. He is choosy and specific; a quality that definitely makes a girl feel special. He loves my dimples, makes me laugh until I cry, and gives me space to still figure out Me.

We don’t live together, although we have started the conversation about being open to having his “stuff” have a more stronger presence here. He respects me. He respects this year. He respects US and doesn’t feel the need to rush anything (I may secretly love that the most). I operate at 100 mph… he reminds me that when you rush, you can miss the special moments in Life. Like when the other day he asked if we could co-own a KitchenAid mixer, or where the studs are placed in the wall to see if they could support his plethora of books. Those were moments I have never really experienced in Life before. They are simple. Sweet. Honest and genuine.

I am happy. I am in love.

2016 holds nothing for certain; but I’d like to think we are going on at least one trip. One awesome and long vacation. Preferably internationaly, depending on what can be drummed up online. Japan, China, Norway, Sweden, Iceland, Prauge, Turkey, Thailand, Italy, Rome, France and the Azores are all on the table if you ask me. But we are simple people, and Quebec City holds charm, history, romance and is a hell of a lot cheaper than the other options. We don’t require much. A tent, some sleeping bags and plastic champagne flutes do us just as well.

…Even if it the international part doesn’t actually come to fruition, and we only go to spend time with my family in Western MA, we would enjoy every moment. Cell phone free, and not a single picture on social media. It’s amazing how much you realize you are missing from your own life once you step away from behind Facebook. Twitter or Instagram. In doing so, I have dropped from using 10G of data a month to less than .5G. That’s what happens when you actively choose to participate in your own life vs. prove it to other people from behind a cellphone screen.

I never thought in a million years I would be where I am now, no matter which way you look at it. But all things considered, I’d do it a thousand times over again to land where I am now. Healthy, happy, feeling sane… confident, silly, and just…grateful. I look at him often and think to myself “I am just so, truly, blessed”.

So, coming up on our first Christmas and a New Year together, to You, my “most handsome guy”, my Love, my rock, my Salt… thank you. I am truly excited to see where this new year takes us.

To those of you that are reading this, Happy Holiday’s to you and your’s and I wish you a 2016 full of all the experiences that 2015 has given me.